Our society profits from creating your identity for you, so getting to know yourself from within is an act of rebellion. Taking steps to find out what you want and need can lead to a life where you can feel genuine happiness, fulfilment, and contentment. This type of real internal satisfaction and wellbeing can not be bought but can be cultivated. The only way to truly live a life that makes you feel good is by getting to know yourself, learning to listen to your needs, and by being as authentic as you can be – all things that can only be accomplished by allowing yourself to do whatever the f*ck you want.
Easier said than done though, right?
So let’s take a look at what doing whatever the f*ck you want actually means, why it’s so hard, and how it will change your life for the better.
What does doing whatever the f*ck you want actually mean?
You can’t start doing whatever the f*ck you want if you simply don’t know what you want, which far too many of us don’t. We are not taught to ask ourselves whether the things we buy, the things we do, the people we take care of, and the versions of ourselves we enact actually bring us joy. But these are imperative questions to ask yourself, even when answering them honestly is scary and confronting.
We think that the best way to start doing whatever the f*ck you want is by asking yourself these hard questions, but also by spending some time with yourself.
Emma Watson, when interviewed about her dating life, coined the phrase “self-partnered” and said she was dating none other than herself. This is such a powerful way to approach getting to know yourself better. Be your own ideal romantic partner or friend: cook yourself food that brings you joy, light candles and set a nice mood even when you’re alone, speak kindly and respectfully to yourself, take care of your body and take care of your mind. At the end of the day YOU are the only person you spend your whole life with, so why not make sure you get along with yourself?
Another way to get a better idea of your true wants and needs is by stepping outside your comfort zone, or by doing the exact opposite: truly celebrating the things in your life that make you feel safe and secure. These two things are not mutually exclusive, and a balance of both comfort and adventure will get you furthest.
Because it can be difficult to get an idea of what types of things to try and do when spending time getting to know yourself we have prepared a few ideas for you:
Cancelling plans and doing what you want also means not doing what you don’t want.
Making plans with different people. Get to know new people and actively asking people who intrigue or fascinate you to hang out every once in a while can be such a wonderful way to open your horizons!
Doing things by yourself instead of waiting for someone to go with you. Do you want to be taken on a romantic picnic in the forest? Take yourself! Bring all the food you love, a fun book, a journal and a cute picnic blanket, maybe even some magic mushrooms?
Travelling to that place you’ve been wanting to go to, even if you travel there alone.
Signing up for that class you’ve been thinking about taking.
Breaking up with a partner or a friend who isn’t good for you or to you (this one is hard, but can be the most necessary to grow and evolve.
Asking for a promotion. Yes- you deserve one!
Doing things that scare you.
Taking a nap!
But why is it so hard?
There are three things that make doing whatever the f*ck you want hard:
Boundaries are entirely crucial to cultivating relationships with the people in your life that are healthy. To some people when you set a boundary it can feel to them like being controlled or rejected, but it is important to understand that when you set a boundary you are merely showing someone how best to love and respect you. When you spend time with yourself and rely less on the potentially toxic people in your life you can start communicating your boundaries and truly standing up for yourself. There will be people who find this threatening or frustrating, who preferred when you could be manipulated, when you didn’t know who you were, and when they could be a toxic presence in your life, and these people might try to bring you back down to their level or stop engaging with you as much. But I beg you: Please don’t let this stop you from growing!
How will it make me happier?
Yes, your growth might confront people with their own stagnance. Your abundance may confront people with their own lacking. The healthy relationship you have with yourself might confront people with the unhealthy relationship they have with themselves. But as you grow into an authentic version of yourself like minded people will come into your life. That’s the nature of the universe: she exists in abundance and what you put out into the world comes back to you. With like minded people you are part of a community of genuine appreciation for one another. Standing up for yourself will be celebrated, change will be cultivated, boundaries will be encouraged. And these relationships will be more sustainable, healthy and fulfilling because you will know what you need.
Happiness is a constant practice, it takes effort and risk to live a life that will truly make you happy. Doing what you want, unapologetically and wholeheartedly, is a great place to start, and the present is a great time to start. Try to look at it like an adventure: it won’t always be easy but it will be important, and it will have fun and powerful moments that will leave you a changed, bettered and happier version of your mind, body, and soul.